So whether it is easy to recognize present love? Indeed now and then will rush to you entire range of feelings, which it is accepted to conclude in this one word, and you are lost: love whether this or simply short term enthusiasm, which will go out just as rapidly, as it did flare up? Author Passion.ru reflects above the fact how to distinguish true feeling of that devised.
In the rabid rhythm of the contemporary life, where the universal mutual indifference reigns and flourishes solitude, only love seems some girls by indisputable sacred thing, by panacea and by therapy from the intolerable pain of existence.
It seems, it is worthwhile to find someone… Native, warm, close one, and all problems of deafening dissociation will be scattered as fog. To only find – and everything!
This more burning desire to be joined to someone pushes us into [obyatya] of each other without the selection. We hurry, to us tired [neprikayanno] to wander on the light, to us to there is no time examine components and to go into details. We are sufficient at the first, which will be screwed tighter under the hand.
And we diligently write our love story! By joint efforts of fantasy, experience and expectations.
But is not our love story the fabrication, which is called to only shut us as by wall, from the pain of thoughtless existence?
So it wants us so that our “history” in nothing would be inferior to cinematic melodrama, something of the type of fairy tale about the cat To the [pushkarevaya] or
And here we follow all points of instruction about the happiness, which by gold letters is printed in our head, we carry out rites and rituals, we accurately follow the canons of the behavior of the enamored madman and are glad, which is obtained not worse than in the cinema.
It seems, to live without each other we do not can, we walk into [obnimku], each second of our life we compare with the hours of other and we merge into one whole, where more no one exists individually.
And it does not breathe, it will not sleep, it is not felt in the separation, and each encounter you wait as manna of celestial. Complete mutual dissolution.
But then, unexpectedly for us themselves, without leaving a trace is lost this unity into some the madly foolish and empty trifles of existences, to which earlier and attention it would not turn.
Some word, gesture, view, random incorrect act, began to creak amorous chariot, being gradually converted into the old cart, upward filled with the broken pots of disappointments, reticence, offences, the unexpressed claims, the undisposed expectations… As in all…
But we- that thought what do we have – love, “present itself” as in the films and the novels.
However, what we did make not thus? Why thus they were mistaken?
A bitter feeling of deafening melancholy overtakes former enamored ones.
In order to manage the offence, they search for reasons in their unsuccessful selection, generously hang up labels and pronounce sentences to their “to those been”. “To me simply it did not transport, not that person was encountered…”
As everything is simple, it occurs. To change little fellow – and everything will arise in its places. And love will return, and the lunar nights, filled with the radiance of shooting stars, and complete confluence, and amorous trembling.
Rejected and lonely, they feverishly search for “new victims” for their neurotic love.
Only they do not suspect, that their love precisely so is called, because it is similar to “the present” only by signboard, but it is in reality screen for another feeling and expresses another burning need, which requires immediate satisfaction.
These are the need for its own calmness and safety, in the absence fear and anxiety, which possibly only if us “they properly love”. But since to believe in this practically impossibly, since we are hardly worthy present love, then to us are required its all new proofs and manifestations. Increasingly more convincing word, increasingly are more influential behavior, increasingly are more solemn rituals of worships. All this we greedily fix and let us bring in into the protocol of our consciousness in order to be compared to the object of perfection.
The required requirement “neurotic” love is the illusion of the complete and perfect prosperity, which reach- that in principle is impossible.
Here why this love is always unhappy and even it is tragic. Indeed life is not predicted and distant from the ideal. If, to [pache] of expectation, the illusion “of the perfection of interrelations” is not supported by the partner, who for the known reason cannot correspond to all expectations, then begins the crash of expectations and that most tragic finale of the broken cup, from which begins the new turn “eternal search of ideal partner”.
Specifically, in it, in the opinion the catcher of happiness, lies the main reason for unsuccessful union.
The first, what inherently “false loves”, search of the ideal partner, in whom consists, in the opinion imaginary fallen in love, the main secret of happiness. Specifically, on it all hopes are laid or all charges are brought down, if something is added not then.
Second sign “false love” – inability to take responsibility for its life and for the development of relations upon itself. The absence of mutual understanding – it is guilty, does not succeed in testing orgasm – again it, is not adjusted life – its parents, boringly – it does not know how to entertain, money are not sufficient – little it earns, the sharpness of sensations attenuates – it is small gifts and signs of attention.
And everything in the same spirit. The long list of the dissatisfied expectations grows with each day. Hence…
Third sign – increased exactingness, a constant measurement of quality, quantity and opportuneness of amorous manifestations. Of loves it always occurs little. And it seems some not entirely such as in the books they write. Hence eternal reproaches, checking, comparison, testing for strength and faithfulness.
Fourth sign – too pained reaction to any problems. If it criticized you – it means, it does not love; it did not agree with you – consequently, it does not respect; it did not ring – certainly, it ignores; he forgot to congratulate – it wants you to catch; it did not thank – it does not value you.
And so – to infinity. By neurotic are here done some global conclusions even from the most insignificant moments of existence. It is not possible to please to it practically. It from entire, even casually pronounced word and fleeting view, can derive terrible evidence of its rejection and [nedolyublennosti] and carry out fatal sentence to love itself.
Fifth sign of a false feeling – hovering in the past and agitation for the future. Neurotics do not know how to live presently and to be glad at that good, that in it there is. They are inclined to survive about that left or about that, what yet it did not happen.
By them it pleases to grind old offences, errors and conflict situations, to accumulate them in the large forged trunk of its memory in order at one excellent moment to lay out as the basic argument of parting.
To before move to the searches for new “victim” for their great feeling, they will not forget to pour out to the head anything suspecting “that loved” whole cistern of entire this negative. No, the catcher of present love – not egoist. At least, he so about itself does not think, because in the depth of soul it wants good, understanding, aid, council from its surrounding people. Its motives seem humane and good.
But its jealous unhealthy sensitivity and too nagging requirements destroy true feeling, converting interrelations into the hysteria on the obtaining of the proofs of love. It turns out that, in pursuit of proofs, already and prove- that something. Everything disappeared into the abyss of disappointment.
If you succeed in rise above its pride and looking at its relations from the point of view of simple pragmatician, you will for sure note in your feelings the presence of the concealed aggressiveness, malicious joy and envy. That in principle with the present love it is not compatible.
This is how writes about this Karen’s famous [Khorni] in the book “neurotic personality of our time”: “It is possible to very deeply love man and to it be angered to at the same time sometimes, in by something to it to reject or to experience the desire to stay one.
But there is a difference between such, that have different limits, by the reactions of anger or withdrawal and by the attitude of the neurotic, whom always on alert against other people, considering that any interest, which they manifest to the third persons, indicates neglect to it.
Neurotic interprets any requirement as treachery, and any criticism – as humiliation. This is not love”.
Our life is distant from the ideal and at the same time [sovershenna] in its imperfection. Because each day gives to us entire range of the most diverse nuances and impressions.
Love – one of the most great gifts to its changeability.
And if it occurs with us here and now, it is worthwhile to accept it in the entire charm of unpredictability and to thank for this sky, instead of presenting of the list of doubtful claims on the perfection to it.
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